Thursday 27 October 2016






About Narcissist's Enablers and Why They are 

Guilty

Updated on May 12, 2016

What is Narcissism?

Malignant narcissism is a personality disorder, characterized by a flagrant disregard for the rights of others and a compulsion to inflict torment. 
Malignant narcissism is always fuelled by pathological  envy of the targeted scapegoat. 
Narcissistic individuals abuse those around them. In a group setting, such as a family, they typically select one person at a time for an extreme and intense form of emotional warfare. Social scientists call this "narcissistic abuse."
They are consummate and skillful liars. By spreading false stories about their target, they are able to win people to their camp. One characteristic of this personality disorder is apparent lack of conscience or remorse. Narcissists also have a difficult time with accountability — if they are confronted about their behavior, they will generally fly into a rage.
Psychologists believe that narcissism is a permanent, incurable condition wrought out be moral degeneration by CHOICE..

The Role of the Enablers

There'd be no such thing as narcissistic abuse if it weren't for the enablers. These are the folks who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stop. They have the power to do so. All it takes is for one or two courageous souls to say "No, this is not okay."
But, for various reasons, enablers elect to remain "neutral", saying such platitudes as,  "Get over it. Move on.  Forgive &  Forget." or selfishly trying to rationalize their apathy by stating,"Well,since your abuser didn't abuse ME ,so long as I'M fine,that's all  that matters. I  don't care if you that you were abused; doesn't affect ME. I'm staying out of it & shall continue to consort with your abuser ". In enabler's mind, the scapegoat's supposed to be 'understanding'  & 'fine' of the enabler's silent condoning, approval & blatant lack of concern for  injustice done unto  another so  long as HE's fine.
The enabler plays Judas to  remain in favorable-standing with the abuser (not to  mention securing his place in The Will)"
The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades. Abusing someone isn't any fun if it's only a party of two. With a crowd, there's unlimited potential for drama. The narcissist can pull a lot more strings that way.
If it were just the abuser and her target, it wouldn't be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign. So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.
Targets — especially if this happens at work or in a social setting — watch as the people they thought were their friends slink away as the battle intensifies.
Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become complicit; an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.
Some Golden Child  enablers (often narcissists themselves) even take it a step beyond, by switching from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into "flying monkeys" who are the narcissist's lackeys; elected to act as Appointed Family Spy to 'keep an eye on' the scapegoat & dangle  paltry sums of money, feign 'assisting' or 'concern' in  order to fulfill their narcissist-appointed Mission  to inform, control, manipulate & carry out small attacks in order to stay on the bully's good side.

When confronted with accusation of this reality, enablers flat-out deny it,  feign outrage then, immediately issue the passive-aggressive Silent Treatment to  'punish' to enlightened scapegoat for exposing the truth (as ordered by narcissist).

Why People Become Enablers

  • Most enablers likely act out of weakness rather than malice. However, this doesn't excuse them. That's because enablers have a lot of power. The abuser relies upon them not to back up the target. Before any attacks begin, a morally disordered person will carefully plan the battle. This can take months to even years before direct hits are launched.
  • Warfare begins only if it's clear that there's an excellent chance of decimating a target. If there's a solid support system, the abuser won't make a move. This means the enablers are the variable, which can either make or break a plan. The narcissist knows this, which is why so much effort is put into creating chaos and confusion. This makes it easier for the enablers to rationalize their position. They may even begin to believe the target is getting the treatment she deserves, and that she did something to warrant the narcissist's extreme reaction.

Motivated by Self Interest

Enablers are guided by self interest. So, they choose not to help the victim.
  • In a Family setting, an enabler brother will   worry about his own social standing. He doesn't want to be the next victim. He also wants to ensure he's left in the will and that he  &  his  children aren't ostracized by the narc.
  • Narcissists are serial abusers. Once they eliminate one person, they find someone else to kick around. This is the unspoken threat that keeps shallow, weak, apathetic enablers in line. The fear of ending up as a target is palpable and overriding.

Onlookers are Afraid of the Bully

Enablers are like blind sheep.
Enablers are like stupid sheep. | Source


  • The target receives no help. When an attack is carried out at work, it's a very rare individual who'll risk their job to defend a target. However, this is understandable considering that livelihoods are at stake. Although we are still called to do the right thing, putting up resistance could get you into trouble, while not doing anything can also be hazardous to your job.
  • The target ends up leaving. Workplace bullies attack with the aim of driving their target into the unemployment line. Usually they succeed. About 75 percent of the time, someone who's bullied at work moves on. This happens either because they are fired, due to trumped up charges, or they voluntarily resign.
  • Then, the attacker moves on to the next. Malignant narcissists operate on the same principle as serial killers — they are angry, bloodthirsty creatures who need fresh prey. Once the target leaves, they start hunting for another. This person is often chosen from their pool of enablers. In an especially ironic twist, a "flying monkey" may even find herself on the receiving end of a narcissist's wrath.

Narcissists are Seething with Rage

Enablers empower the narcissist.
Enablers empower the narcissist. | Source

Why People Fall for the Lies

Some enablers don't help because they have swallowed the stories concocted by the narcissist. But this doesn't entirely let them off the hook, because we're not supposed to listen to gossip in the first place. If someone is painted in an unflattering light, we should stop the conversation and insert a kind word on that person's behalf. It appears as if an enabler neglects this important step. Instead, they listen to the falsehoods being spread.
The fact that some people believe these tales says little about your character, but volumes about theirs. First, because they listen to gossip, they encourage this vice. They provide a comfortable ear for the tale-bearer. They also suspend their ability to think critically, and to form their own opinions about someone. This is why enablers are not so innocent. They've made a choice to support the abuse, even if they don't see it that way.
Suggested Alternative Behavior
Stand by the TargetConfront the PerpetratorEnd the Gossip
Refusing to go along with the plan. If someone is mistreated or excluded, a true friend will work to rectify the situation.
Let a bully know that his/her bad behavior hasn't gone unnoticed should help reign in the abuse. Bullies rely upon lack of social sanctions.
Refuting the lies you hear frees you from the compromising position of being an enabler.

How to Support the Target

Targets often make the mistake the thinking that the enablers are their friends. However, true friends won't tolerate their buddy being mistreated. They will find a way to defend them, even if it means they take a personal risk. It's understandable that a workplace colleague wants to protect his or her position.
There are still ways to support a friend who's under fire:
  • You can walk away, or issue a strong defensive statement, when the trash talk begins. This sends a loud message that you're not going along with the program.
  • Or, if everyone is going out for drinks after work, and the target doesn't receive an invitation, a true friend will also decline. Anything else means lending your acceptance.


65 comments

suzettenaples profile image
suzettenaples 2 years ago from Taos, NM
As the saying goes, "If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem." Enablers need to hear this and I agree with what you have to say in this article.


Saturday 15 October 2016

Bloor & Ossington Toronto HOMELESS & Sleeping On SIDEWALK (Please SHARE ...

I just sent this to MP Julie Dezerowicz, MP to our Davenport area in Toronto.

Please share on your WALL & everywhere on Social Media. (Also, write to her yourself)

Julie.Dzerowicz@parl.gc.ca

Hello MP Julie Dzerowicz,

We have a current, pressing, ongoing URGENT situation at the corner of Bloor & Ossington.

There's a young HOMELESS couple sleeping on the street on alternating corners of this intersection. They are cold, hungry, despondent, downtrodden, oppressed and in IMMEDIATE need of assistance. Naturally, (as would be the case if ANY of us were so unfortunate to find ourselves in this situation), they are begging for money, food and shelter.

Passers-bye, (such as myself), with a conscience & heart are contributing what we can but people are not always willing, able or caring to assist. This situation is very SAD and is a direct reflection on the caring, capability & efficiency of our Government & our City.

The housing crisis is out of hand.
A bachelor apartment in Toronto goes for minimum of $900 a month.
The waiting list for rent-to-income is several years long.

I implore you to please drive to Bloor & Ossington and take a look.
They are LITERALLY sleeping on the sidewalk because, frankly, there's no where else to go.
They have no family. Welfare will not assist them without an address.
They cannot find an affordable unit to rent.
Affordable rent is non-existent.

Please step up & use the helping of these 2 humans as an example of the arbitrary & capable power you wield in your prestigious Governmental position as MP of this area.

Welfare maximum amount they give for rent is a FRACTION of what rent costs in this city. (Less than $500/Month) They have NO access to a computer. They cannot afford a TTC fare.

Deep depression & apathy has consumed their spirits & prevents them from taking adequate steps to help themselves beyond what they're doing. This is a despondent young man & woman close to giving up entirely & freezing to death come dropping temperatures & rain.

PLEASE make the time yourself to accompany the appropriate, competent caseworker ASAP...directly to assist them to their 'address' which, presently is ...sleeping ON the sidewalk at the intersection of Bloor & Ossington. It's getting COLD out.

This is a picture I took of one of the MANY cardboard signs they have created, PLEADING with Society to show genuine compassion.

These signs are blowing around the neighborhood as a shameful reminder that The Canadian Government & The Citizens & MP of Davenport district, Ontario are incapable & unwilling to assist our Downtrodden Neighbors.

A very SAD Societal & Governmental Statement indeed.

These are someone's cast off, 'throw-away' children.


Will you, Julie please facilitate the Government's immediate housing, feeding & clothing of these poor souls? They ARE tax payers after-all. Everytime they take a dime or nickle to purchase a bottle of water, cup of coffee or soup, they pay TAX.

Thank you for your time and (hopefully) immediate attention to this matter.

I'm BCC'ing this letter to the editors of Toronto Star, Toronto SUN & Globe & Mail as well as sharing liberally on Social Media.

Their sign HEART-BREAKINGLY reads:

Seems to me that we're unwanted since we are "homeless"...so I ask, "Where should the homeless go?...or, once one becomes homeless, we add the Death Penalty so we don't 'bug' anyone?"

Sincerely, Concerned Citizen.







Monday 19 September 2016

Idaho modern oldtimer builds underground & solar $50 houses

I need more sleep

Kristie Wolfe builds underground home

[SD][En]Eastwood Directs The Untold Story

Stevie Wonder - Living for the City



"Living For The City"


A boy is born in hard time Mississippi 
Surrounded by four walls that ain't so pretty 
His parents give him love and affection 
To keep him strong moving in the right direction 
Living just enough, just enough for the city...ee ha! 

His father works some days for fourteen hours 
And you can bet he barely makes a dollar 
His mother goes to scrub the floor for many 
And you'd best believe she hardly gets a penny 
Living just enough, just enough for the city...yeah 

His sister's black but she is sho 'nuff pretty 
Her skirt is short but Lord her legs are sturdy 
To walk to school she's got to get up early 
Her clothes are old but never are they dirty 
Living just enough, just enough for the city...um hum 

Her brother's smart he's got more sense than many 
His patience's long but soon he won't have any 
To find a job is like a haystack needle 
Cause where he lives they don't use colored people 
Living just enough, just enough for the city... 
Living just enough... 
For the city...ooh,ooh 
[repeat several times]

His hair is long, his feet are hard and gritty 
He spends his love walking the streets of New York City 
He's almost dead from breathing on air pollution 
He tried to vote but to him there's no solution 
Living just enough, just enough for the city...yeah, yeah, yeah! 

I hope you hear inside my voice of sorrow 
And that it motivates you to make a better tomorrow 
This place is cruel no where could be much colder 
If we don't change the world will soon be over 
Living just enough, just enough for the city!!!! 

La, la, la, la, la, la, 
Da Ba Da Da Da Da Da Da 
Da Da Da Da Da Da 
Da Ba Da Da Da Da Da Da Da 
[Repeat to end]

Prince Live In Concert Minneapolis, Minnesota 1983

�� Prince At The First Avenue Club Minneapolis, Minnesota 1983 ��

1978 9 Lives Morris the Cat Commercial

Popcorn Sutton`s last dam run of Likker [FULL MOVIE]

Primitive Technology: Tiled Roof Hut

Primitive Technology: Barrel Tiled Shed

Saturday 10 September 2016

Narcissistic abuse - "You're always wrong!"

The whole thing's nothing but an envy-fuelled Narc Tactical-Maneuver aka: A SMOKESCREEN to try to get you to lose confidence in your own capabilities cuz the narc knows you can & will OUTSHINE him.

Narcs TRY TO invalidate their targets’ sense of self-worth.

The subject that the Narc is challenging/doubting the credibility of is besides the point.

Narcs do this SOLELY to make their target question his own mental capacity; they're TRYING to cast a shadow of self doubt so you don't realize how powerful you are (because narcs are pathologically-envious & they recognize your capabilities)...so they try to imply you're incompetent & that OTHERS need to be consulted in order to validate anything you say.

This is nothing but a narc TACTIC to try & psyche you ( their opponent) out.

They'll do this mind-fuck game by consulting & agreeing with a complete stranger before they’d admit that they know you're right.
This tactic CRAZY-MAKING (& that's intentional ) It's GASLIGHTING.

In essence, (to you)the narc tries to represent ‘OTHERS’...aka: Public Perception ...when this behavior is just the self-projected inadequacy of The NARC that he's TRYING to convince to believe.

(It's a LIE.)

You can prove they're doing it just for the sake of being contradictory by doing this test.
Say "A". They'll say "No. It's B".
Then, wait a few days.
(Now) Say "B". They'll say , "No. It's A"

That narc is NOT gonna want you to KNOW that you're correct & great cuz then, if you do...you're gonna go out there, into Society & receive praise & accolades for your greatness & you will then feel & recognize your true worth.
(Aka: that worth that the narc SEES but is envious about)

Narc wants not only to DENY but do & say discouraging things to make you not recognize & (better yet) doubt & DENY your OWN true potential & capabilities (because the narc SEES YOUR GREATNESS & he's pathologically ENVIOUS of you!)

Narc KNOWS you're great & fears (if he does not intervene & try to make you feel BAD about yourself) , that soon you TOO will realize your own value then, all narc-hell will break loose cuz narc will lose power over his target & lose narcissistic supply & therefore, (in narc's mind) cease to exist (as his 1 goal is to get supply by feeding off pain he inflicts; pain you won't feel if narc's opinion about you loses credence to you).

That's their ultimate goal...not just to IMPLY some sleight but: to try & get YOU to BELIEVE it so that YOU,in essence, take over the task...even if you leave the narc...to continue to abuse your SELF by not implementing your TRUE level of power & succeeding in life & OUTSHINING the TRULY incompetent one: THE NARC.



Monday 8 August 2016

Wednesday 3 August 2016

Narc VS The Artist

Narc Mother Falsely-Accuses Artist Daughter of Being "An ART THIEF" (of Her Own Art!) all to Scam  A Free Painting.



Narc Mother In Scapegoat's Medical Emergency

Incompetent Narc Mother lets DRUNK surgeon operate on AWAKE 12 year old scapegoat daughter (Me) with improperly-injected/not-working TOPICAL anaesthetic & I saw my blood & GUTS & was terrorized! Left with horrific scar.



Tuesday 2 August 2016


"But she's your MOTHER. HOW can a Mother treat her own Daughter LIKE this?" 

BELOW this note is a VERY GOOD VIDEO from Narcissism Survivor that partially answers that question. 
All good reasons Tom presents here in his video. My own narc X Mother saw how rebellious I was and RESENTED how I (unlike her) did not 'step-in-line; knowing My Place' & just TAKE it (the parental narcissistic-abuse)... like the 'Good Girl' SHE'D been. Also, the fact that I *AMICABLY* left my marriage while SHE, in turn, STAYED in her VIOLENT, *ABUSIVE* marriage to my Narc x"Dad"... (while I had NEVER been abused by MY husband)... secretly outraged her as she always purported to be *"Standing By Her Man like a good wife ought to & riding the wave of good- times/bad-times like A Good Wife "* ...so, I think she resented me breaking some 'RULE' she was falsely-convinced existed that lead her to believe she had to DO that & so there seemed to be this vibe of resentment in a: *"How can it be that lowly YOU , of all people, gets to DO this & be single?* *YOU'RE not playing by the RULES.You're being DEFIANT!"* (She's Catholic btw so that old "divorce=sin" crap presided...even tho she sins liberally, she'd cherry-pick WHICH 'rule' counts to substantiate behavioral nonsense she's doing) She also resented that I did not obsess & prioritize keeping my place as tidy as she kept HERS & that I'd frequently go out without makeup or doing my hair or dressing-to- impress. I was also resented for "talking back'' (aka not agreeing with everything she said) & DARING to express my own opinions & do what I wanted with MY LIFE. (She DEEPLY resented THAT.) In her eyes, I was breaking all the RULES she was convinced EXISTED re: "What constitutes Being A GOOD Daughter" I think, (not even so 'secretly') that ... She WISHED she could hit REWIND on her life & do what I 'dared' to do. (Be autonomous, think for myself & Dare To Create) So I conclude that Malignant Narcissistic Mothers are pathologically envious of their scapegoat Daughters on far deeper levels than *just* the viable examples of COMPETITION over Youth, Sex-Appeal & Beauty. Narc Mothers resent our Advantages & the courage of the Daughter to Seize Opportunities that either weren't available to her or that she was too fearful or INEPT to seize... (COURAGE that the Mother perceives as GALL)... and the narc Mother overall envies that her scapegoat Daughter was born in a time where women HAVE more say & overall Societal-Acceptance these days to BE, dress & think and LIVE how they choose. So the Malignant Narcissistic Mother is jealous of the courage & of The Times their scapegoat, assertive-Daughters are born into. Envy over the scapegoat Daughter exercising her right to make her own Life- Choices. The aged Narc Mother thought she did not HAVE that right to choose & viewed her scapegoat Daughter as being insubordinate...particularly against HER & viewed her Daughter as being 'obstinate' & "defiant" for cultivating her autonomy. The Narc Mother is pathologically envious of any achievements of her Daughter
(particularly those of artistic merit) & is under the impression the daughter is undeserving of any laurels obtained as a result
of her achievements. 

The cruel, unrealistic ideals, comparisons & standards demanded by the narcissistic Mother of her scapegoat Daughter are made specifically not to guide but rather...
to incite a sense of perpetual-inferiority within her target
with the narc's sole purpose being to exact their sadism to cause & feed off the pain they cruelly seek to bring to their targets.

This is intentional & the narc KNOWS the ideal she sets IS unattainable. In fact, the narc Mother ensures it is by constantly altering her demands so that, even if the target strove to BE that what is demanded, the narc would demand more or change her game to demand some different 'ideal' she's seeking in her scapegoat daughter; just so long as end-conclusion is that The scapegoated Daughter STILL is accused of being INFERIOR.
I believe the end goal is not REALLY even to convince the daughter to achieve that ''presented ideal-status'' but, rather, that constant comparison is said with REAL goal being:
To oppress the target, discourage autonomy, inflict pain, imply inferiority & reinforce reliance on the narc or better yet, induce the scapegoat's SUICIDE: The narc's twisted, ultimate "WIN".
The Malignant Narcissist Mother resents that her imagined "superiority & authority" over her Scapegoat Daughter is, in fact... a fallacy; that her unsolicited OPINION Just. Doesn't. Matter.